Hearing From Home!


There are those of you here on this site who will understand, comprehend, and appreciate what happened to me today.

Have you ever “heard from home”?

It happens to me every once in a while. Sometimes, I think it happens because my Dad loves me so very much, that He alone sees the difficulty just around the corner on my journey, and wants to help me get what I need to step into that trouble, and step beyond it, too.

But, ya know, sometimes I think my Dad just wants to love up on His Kid sometimes, too. I tend to know the difference between which moments are “get ready to suck it up” moments, and which moments are “Hey, kiddo!” moments.

I can’t tell you which ones are more profound, but I can tell you that I sure am grateful for both.

Well, today was one of those really special “Hey, Kiddo!” moments. And, in the middle of it, me and my Dad started singing! This is what we sang. Dad wanted me to Worship WITH Him! How just awesomely incredibly cool is that? He was huggin’ me, and He was smilin’ and just beltin’ out this song with me.

Suddenly, my Dad just hugged me really tight, and said He wanted to hear me sing it. I did just fine, til that one part that says “He bore my burdens”. And, while my Dad was huggin’ me like I was ridin’ a rollercoaster over the top of “the big” hill, here came those words.

And, from somewhere really deep inside of me, came this most overwhelming, irresistible, all-consuming feeling of thankfulness. Like I maybe haven’t even felt before, but for sure not in a very long time. I couldn’t breathe! And, I couldn’t stop singin’. “Bawlin’ and snottin’” as my pal Mark Lowry LOVES to say. Mark loves to talk about hearing from home. Well, today I did. And, as honestly as I know how to say it, I wish Dad had taken me home today—right there while we were singin’. Singin’ with my Dad is just the very, very best moment in all of my existence. I know, deep within my being (somewhere past the core of it) we’ve done it before. We did it today. I know we will do it again, in not so long a time.

“I just couldn’t be more ready. My bags are packed and I ready to go.” That’s a memory of another voice already home, from George Younce. Today, I truly understood what he was saying.

Lemme tell ya, the last time we sang the Chorus, me and Dad both was just totally beltin’ it out! Sometimes, as hard as it may be to believe, Dad’s heart just plain ole longs to be with us. Have you ever heard Dad tell you just how much He loves you? I think that, maybe, we just don’t know what He means until we hear Him braggin’ on Jesus. Man!! And then, He just looks into our hearts with that same stuff blazing out of His eyes, and we start to understand that He loves us just that much too. Now, kids—THAT’S hearin’ from Home!

Thanks, Dad. I love You, too. I hope we get to sing again together, really soon. I’ll never forget this tune, Dad. Thanks for printing it on my heart.


I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus, the Nazarene.
And I wonder how He could love me--
A sinner condemned unclean?

How marvelous! How wonderful!
In my soul it shall ever be.
How marvelous! How wonderful!
Is my Saviour’s love for me.

He took my sin and my sorrow,
And he made them his very own.
He bore the burden to Calvary
And suffered, and died—alone!

How marvelous! How Wonderful!
In my soul it shall ever be!
How marvelous! How wonderful!
Is my Saviour’s love for me.

Ransomed in Glory,
His face shall I at last shall see!
This will be my joy through the ages--
To sing of His love for me!

How marvelous! How wonderful!
In my soul it shall ever be!
How marvelous! How wonderful!
Is my Saviour’s love for me!

Soli Deo Gloria!

Your Kid,

Bud

NaNoWriMo 2006

Almost two years ago, now, I took a dare from a friend. I was a professional truck driver--with a broken foot. My job, for some six weeks, was to make sure my foot stayed higher than my heart.

About two days into this task, I knew two things for certain:

1. I had much less patience than I ever imagined; and

2. If I didn't get to doing something, anything, productive, some small yet innocent fur-bearing creature was going to have a rather gruesome, yet unfortunate end to its existence.

Doing nothing at all, AND sitting still all day are two ways to cause a truck driver to lose whatever fading sense of peaceable gentility they may ever have. I'm fairly screaming at my friend about the need to save me from the pending doom which no doubt is setting upon me, and he is not responding as I think he ought. No, not at all.

To offer, in memory of a good friendship, at least a small vestige of explanation on his part, since he can no longer defend his own sorry, miserable self:

1. This friend has known me most of my young, impressionable life.

2. He is, or was (as the case may be) not a driver. He knew me from a previous, and much more glorious time in my young, impressionable life.

3. He is, or was (as the case may be, officer) a television producer. (This should give you an amazing overview of many important qualities of said individual) He is also a professional writer OFF the job, as well. He is VERY famous. Yeah, right!

I'm not taking to this new plan very well at all. I am also, as luck would have it, in what can only be considered extreme pain. I am hungry. I am tired. I am wanting my Mommy at this particular point in my young, impressionable life. Oh, Shut UP! It's my story.

Where was I? Oh, yes, my young, impress....anyway. My friend actually WAS listening to my complaining and whining (his sour words, NOT mine!), and suddenly popped up with:

"You need to do something productive!" (Did I mention he is also a fellow MENSA'n?) As I trembled in anticipation (hardly), out came the most incredible thing he may EVER have said to me:

"Bud, you have lived a magical life. You have done, in only 49 years, things very few humans have done, or ever will do. You've travelled the world, and you have visited every state in the USA within the last year! You should write a novel!"

I was stunned, nay shock-ed. I had long known that work pressures were affecting my friend, but I had no idea how far past the boundary of rational thought he had truly gone--until that moment. Perhaps, without his knowing, he had been struck by a fast-moving missile of some sort. (Lord knows they have been aimed in his general direction often enough!) Had he failed to tell me he fell down a flight of concrete stairs--on his head? Whatever the reason, I was now (more than ever) convinced that my friend was totally out of his everlovin' mind!

Then, he very carefully began telling me about an online activity which happens each November, called NaNoWriMo. This organization, whose Executive Director is a man in San Francisco named Chris Baty, has an online writing contest each November. You can sign up in October. You start "clean" (although some NaNo'rs begin organizing their thoughts between October 1st and November 1st), with zero words written. Beginning at 0001, November 1st, you have 30 days to write a minimum of 50,000 words in a novel!! Style? Fahgeddaboudit!! Punctuation? Nope. Correct form? Not necessarily. Historical or factual accuracy? I don't THINK so! 50,000 words barely covers the requirements for a Novella. (The average Novel is 85.000 - 100,000 words.) The whole point of NaNoWriMo (The National Novel Writing Month ) is writing words. Baty's belief is that writers write--every day! NaNo is all about writing. Style, form, accuracy, and all that "stuff" are not part of it--the writing is. It is not his statement, but rather a legacy clarion call of all writers: Writers write--every day! Writer's Block, Writers Cramp, Style problems, research, and on and on goes the list--are merely distractions from the one thing that we, as writers, MUST do each day: write!

I suggested to my friend that he might consider upping the dosage on his medication. And then, the poor sap did the one thing that no reasonably intelligent human would EVER purposely do to a Hillbilly: he dared me! He said he was doing it (again), and he dared me to do it, as well. (There was a rather hefty financial wager involved, as our negotiations concluded.)

This idea has not merely caught on. It is now an international happening, with nearly 100,000 Nano'rs competing. In my first year, I completed the task of writing 50,000 words (verified) in 17 days. My "friend" finished, as well--with 13 seconds left in the competition! (What a wuss!) The 50,000 became 104,000 and my first (soon to be) published novel. Elementary school kids do NaNo as a part of their school curriculum. Junior and High School Educators use NaNo for AP class assignments. Colleges and Universities offer credit for NaNo. Internationally, those from the newbies to the pros participate in this no-holds-barred, In Your Face ...fun. It's totally ruthless, heartless, and as completely unprofessional as you could ever hope to imagine. From the entirely famous to the nearly infamous, people of every age, race, ethnicity, religion, nationality and economic status participate. It is a merciless free-for-all. And, in this two-year trek, I have learned much about my craft. I have made friends, established bonds, created opportunities, and worked insanely to produce a product that, long after the winning NaNo 2004 entry, has become the first in a projected series of ten mystery novels. Yes, it is irreverent! Yes! It absolutely defies every possible construct of "legitimate" writing...yeah, so?

In seventeen days, over 50,000 words nearly flew of their own accord from my fingers. Characters whom I had never met suddenly took up space in my brain! A plot with devious twists, bad guys, and amazing results were born. And, in the end, so was one heck of a good read! It was an amazing journey, with some truly amazing people. I tried it last year, but being on the road made it truly impossible to fairly participate.

I'm off the road now. The series has taken on a life, a company organization (yes, really!), and a purpose of its own. My friend is still producing television, and is still working to finish his NaNo effort. To be fair, his goal was different than mine (he wanted to be "good" at it!) and his novel is nearing completion. I hope he finds, as I have, success waiting for his labors. Single moms do it. Doctors, Ministers, Truck Drivers, and grade schoolers do it. And, this year, I am going to do it as well--again. I am doing it this year for the same reason I did it last year, and the year before. All my life, I have been known for saying two things:

1. Writing a novel is on my life-list of things to do. (Done!)

2. I believe that every person has, within them, a song to be sung and a story to be told. Sing your song, and tell your story! The World WILL be a better place because of it. (Done!)

I still believe it. And, because you are reading this, you know of my writing. I want to challenge you to take the dare my friend gave me: DO NANO 2006! You have very little to lose (sanity, hope, and like that) and everything to gain! The NaNo site will be up until September 20th at midnite. Check it out. On October 1st, 2006, go to the site and sign up. It is free. Donations are accepted, and fund an international fund that creates libraries in under-developed countries, and provides laptops to dis-advanted schools around the world. Along the way, you will make friends, learn a little about writing, and just have a heck of a good time. If you can write 2,000 words each day (approximately eight double-spaced typed pages), you will get to see what the incredible "Winner" bar looks like! Sound impossible? Yeah, I know. I thought so, too. (The average Blog entry is 1,000 words!)

We had teams, no less. State teams, or different activity teams (All the Bloggers from MySpace who did NaNo joined up together, for instance). I wrote for five different teams during my first NaNo! I got some mighty spiffy little badges to put on my signature line (the "prize") for it. I also learned that there is a talent for writing that I did NOT know I had. No one was more surprised than me to find out that my writing was actually pretty good! I'd written before. Daily Journals, tehnical manuals and books, manuscripts and methodology writing for many different areas. I was, at the time, new to the entire Blogging world, too. I didn't know the first thing about actually "writing" a novel, and I had to learn--a lot! Yeah, so? I love learning! And, as I discovered from NaNo, I love to write!

I'm going to do NaNo again this year. I'm home working on school, and writing anyway. My NaNo project will be a completely new effort. It may be one of the ten volumes expected for my Mystery series, but I'm thinking not. I don't know. I'm not an "organized" writer like so many of the successful authors are. I sit and stare at a blank screen, and just begin typing. I have learned a lot about "how" to write, but I still use my own technique. So far, it's gone well for me. I think it will go well for me again this time, too.

There are tons of related activities surrounding this annual event, as well. From software retailers offering NaNo discounts, to local community "Write-Ins", to friendly challenges and competitions during NaNo between physical communities, NaNo is a real deal. Virtually every writing community on the web has a NaNo involvement at one level or another. There is also a NaNoEdMo (National Novel Editing Month) each March, as well as an entire online community dedicated to helping NaNo'rs get their novel published (NaNoPubYe). Just add dot com to any of these and you will find them.

I most highly recommend this activity to you. If you should choose to join the insanity, I hope you will let me know. As likely as it may seem, there is really just no valid excuse not to. We even have a few hundred active duty soldiers in the group this year, from Iraq and Afghanistan! If the ordinary bores you, or if you feel like your non-conformist nature is not being suitably nurished, I hope you will take up the challenge and have a truly NaNo adventure. From November 1st til November 30th, you can abandon the usual, munch on a NaNo cookie, learn to love caffeine again, and write every day!

Those of you who know me best will immediately recognize the value this story has in my life. For those of you who not know me that well (yet), you may gain a little insight into what "makes me tick". Either way, I hope you enjoy this story:

Subject: She made a difference


As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be
unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to revieweach child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a
ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around.."

His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well
liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a
terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."

His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on
him.He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest, and
his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't
show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas
presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for
Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the
children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was,
putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy
Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs.
Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to."

After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On that very
day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she
began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to
Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets.."
A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her
that she was the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still
the best teacher he ever had in life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things
had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and
would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had
ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a
little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and
favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer....The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was
wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the
place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy,you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."

(For you that don't know, Teddy Stoddard is the Dr. at Iowa Methodist in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)

Warm someone's heart today. . . pass this along. I love this story so
very much, I cry every time I read it. Just try to make a difference in
someone's life today? tomorrow? just "do it".

Random acts of kindness, I think they call it!

Happy New Year, All. I hope this finds you safe, well and happy.

There's some news that's good, anyway. I have, by the grace of God, been able to open the new online study course website. I continue the study, and the interaction with my beloved brothers and sisters, while I am preparing the first course lessons. It's in test right now, but I believe it will be fine. The personal study here continues as well. I am failing in my commitment to post to this Journal, but I am committed to righting that wrong.

Here's the new site information. I hope you will stop by and say hello.

Soli Deo Gloria!


Visit your new forum!
M. B. "Bud" Fields, Jr. DMA
Site Administrator

Chapter 4 Made to Last Forever

This chapter gave me something to think about that I do not normally dwell on too often. Death is a very frightening subject to me and thinking about eternity is even more frightening, but, this chapter gave me a whole new perspective on eternity and death. One that I believe has finally broken the bonds that fear has had on me. Praise God!

Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start doing today?

QUIT LIVING IN FEAR AND START LIVING FEARLESSLY! I have been so afraid all my life to enjoy people(they might hurt me), fear of my past, fear of never having enough, fear of being alone, fear of being with someone, fear of enjoying life. You name it, I feared it.

I want to change that today, right now, this minute. Dear God help me to do just that.

Chaper 3 - What Drives Your Life?

In this book Rick Warren tells of the 5 most common things that are a driving force in our lives.

1. Guilt - regrets, hiding shame, manipulated by memories, the past controls their future.
2. Resentment and anger.
3. Fear - afraid to venture out, always playing if safe.
4. Materialism - security by having more money.
5. Need for approval - expectations of parents, siblings, spouses, friends controls their lives.

I can honestly say my life is driven by all of them and probably a whole lot more. Thank goodness he only listed 5! lol :)

Reading this chapter gave me a chance to see just what does drive me. I think in the back of my mind I knew these things but by reading them and ackowledging them, it brings them to the fore front of my mind and of my life.

I grew up in a home that was dictated by the moods and the whims of an alcoholic, abusive father. We could, at any time, go from feast to famine because of his drinking. His drink always came first over food, bills, clothes, whatever. When he was drinking if he was kept happy then the house could be in some sort of peace. That meant my mother leaving me alone alot to take care of my dad and his needs. It was not until much later in my life that God helped me to realize I had felt abandoned by my mother and had really been angry with her for that. But in that understanding came healing as well.

I am not going to sit here and blame my dad for everthing bad that happened in my life. I am just finally able to see where the guilt, resentment and anger, fear, materialism, and the need for approval came into my life as driving forces. I have completely forgiven my Dad for all the abuse and all the hurt in my life and am at peace with myself and my relationship with my father. Before my father died, the last 3-4 yrs of his life God enabled me to see what was behind my dad and what drove him to do some of the things he did. God gave me an insight to my dad that could have only come about by divine revelation. I still got angry with my dad at times, but, the big difference was I could forgive him, understand where he was coming from. My change also impacted my dad in that because my prayers for him changed, he changed too. Before he died he had a wonderful experience with Jesus and he was able to share that with me. To this day, some 7-8 yrs later, I still thank God for that time and praise Him that my dad went to heaven to be with Him.

God's word says in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I have cried out to God so many times for Him to reveal His plans and purpose in my life. I believe in reading this book this may be the answer to my prayers.

At the end of this chapter Rick Warren asks 2 questions, "What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want to be?"

I think the answer to the first question is care and concern for my family and their welfare drives me. But, I am not really sure if my family know me well enough to know that what was behind that driving concern for their care was because I always wanted to make it up to my Mom and my brother for my dad being a bully, an alcoholic, a lousy provider, abusive, and not a real good roll model for a father. I really have no idea what my friends would say is my driving force of my life.

As to the second question, I always wanted to be something I am not. I always wanted to be prettier, smaller, smarter, more outgoing and less shy, rich. In other words, I could not accept who I am, the woman God created me to be. I have my own beauty, but, it was never enough. I am a large woman and that was never acceptable. And the list could go on.

I want to go back to something I wrote from chapter 2. I spoke that I had never felt I was worthy of God's love and His goodness and blessings in my life. I blamed it all on my weight but the truth is it was much deeper than that. When I take a really good look at myself I see all the things I do wrong every day, day in, day out. Of course we all sin, but, mine because of the way I would always see myself, was always so much bigger than anyone else's. I would think if only people could see the real me they would not like me, love me, trust me, you get the picture. The truth was, people were seeing the real me and loving me anyway. I was the one who was not seeing the real me. My vision was clouded and distorted. But thank God for a wonderful friend whose words were like a lightening bolt in my life.

My dearest friend, Bud, put in words what God had been trying to tell me all these years but for some reason they finally stuck. I thank God for this friend of mine.

I am worthy of God's blessings and of His love. I am because the bible says so, because He, God himself, says so! I am a beautiful person capable of great love and good things and great acts of kindness. I am also a human being, flawed, capable of making mistakes, but so is everyone else. The grace of God abounds in my life everyday and His forgiveness is always there for me. Christians are the only ones who can truly say "This is the first day of the rest of my life." Because at the end of every day, we can ask for forgiveness of our sins and His words says that "as far as the east is from the west, He will remember our sins no more." That means I can start all over again the next day to be the best I can be and when I mess up, His grace is suffient to cover those mess ups.

For the first time in my life I really believe those words are for me! For me, Kathy! This is a lesson I have needed to learn for so long and I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father that He did not give up on me and continued to work on me, helping me to learn this lesson.

Heavenly Father, I give you praise and thanksgiving this day for all Your patience with me. You are truly the one I worship and praise. amen and amen

Chapter 2 "You Are Not an Accident

I cannot seem to get past this chapter. I have read chaper 3 and am trying to move onto chapter 4, but, I am always drawn back to this chapter. So here I will stay until I feel peace of mind to move on.

I have never felt like I was an accident but I have never felt that I was worthy of God's love. I feel as if I have taken what God has created and distorted it in so many ways that I am in no way near the person He first created me to be. I have taken this body, that may very well have been made to be large and I have ballooned it up until it is grossly obese. I have not taken care of the temple of God and therefore I am not worthy of His love, of His blessings, His grace. Some people would say, "well then do something about the weight." I have in the past but it always comes back. I think I am beginning to understand that the weight protects me from ..............something. I am not sure what that something is but I now believe that maybe the weight is a buffer.

I think I allowed the weight to hold me back and then I had something to blame besides myself. I did not have to take responsibilty for my life. Responsibility for failures, set backs, for lack of, etc. I could always blame my weight, my size.

I can see that God is finally bringing the help I needed to help myself in the form of this book. It will be interesting to see what becomes of me as I continue to read and study and pray using this book.